Sex Food and Comics All sex needs found here…

London Escorts

Emma calling earth – come in earth! Well, actually I am right here in London but I many of my fellow London escorts say that I am a bit spaced out. Okay, I will admit that I am probably one of the more adventurous London escorts but the agency bosses of my London escorts agency say that it doesn’t matter. Apparently, many gents like yourself like to meet with adventurous London escorts like the girls from

What do you like to do on a date? I am into all sorts of things. I am a bit of party girl at heart, but if you like I can be just as enchanting as my fellow London escorts. But here is the thing, you do really need to tell me what you are looking for so that I can get ready for you. I have many different outfits that I can wear but I don’t know what you are looking for.

Perhaps you are looking for Nursie. She is a nice lady who can help you to soothe away all of those stresses and tensions that have built up during the week. Nursie loves to come out and play to treat wounded souls and bodies, and you can tell Nursie all about your innermost fears, desires and dreams. She will not judge you, all she wants to do is to ease your pain and let you experience true pleasure under her experience hands. You can say that Nursie has the most magic touch and would love to spend hours nursing you back to health in what ever way. Intensive care is Nursie’s speciality and if you think that you need intensive treatment, Nursie will soon find out.

Madame Loulou is a French lady who comes around sometimes to help me with my cleaning. I think that she is figure of my imagination as sometimes I find her looking back at me in the mirror. She seems to have very big dusters, and loves to clean up after all her big naughty boys. Whether you have a clean or a filthy mind, it doesn’t matter to Loulou. She seems to be able to cope with both, and she is more than happy for you to tell her all your little dirty secrets.

You may have to know your place a little bit with Madame Loulou as she does not like any crumbs on the carpet at all. She can get a little bit stroppy over crumbs on the carpet, and may even make you clean them up yourself. She has all the cleaning tools of the trade, and if you are really good, she will let you play with them so you can show her that you know how to please her.

There are many other personalities who share my lovely apartment with me as well. If you have anybody special that you like to meet, please tell me, and I will check the wardrobes of my mind. You never know who lives in those, and may want to pop out to say hello to you when you visit.

How to play with food safely

Many of us do like playing with foods during sex and some london escorts do specialise in this service. It may seem a bit of an oddity to some but a food fetish is not that unusual, and most escorts in London do realise some clients have specific needs.

It can be an enjoyable experience but you do have to be careful. Escorts in London do know that you can’t just insert fruit or food anywhere and there are some fruits which you should not use.

Above all it is important not to try to have penetrative sex as the same time you are playing with food. It can end up in a sticky mess and also be quite dangerous.

Which fruits are safe to play with?

London Escorts have learned from experience that certain fruits are just not safe to play with. It is a good idea to stay away from acidic fruits such as oranges and lemon. Not only are a lot of people allergic to them, but they can change the body’s natural PH balance.

However, there are some fruits which are perfectly safe.

Whilst your probably want to stay away from most soft fruits, strawberries are a great for playing with. They can safely be inserted in the vagina as they stay quite firm, and gently teased out for someone to enjoy.

Grapes are also great to play with. They can be used single or as a small bunch. Leave them in for a short while and they will taste that little bit sweeter.

As a matter if fact, there are many london escorts who enjoy playing with fruits just as much as their clients.

Other safe play foods

There are other foods which escorts often let you play with. Hot dogs are popular as they do not need to be heated up to be enjoyed.

Sausages and hot dogs come in all different shapes and sizes, and really aren’t that different from dildos. Many london escorts seems to enjoy playing with hot dogs as well, and put them somewhere special for you to nibble.

Say No

There are some places where you should not insert food during sex. Rectal inserts of foods should always be avoided. This can cause bacterial infections of the mouth, and may not taste too great neither.

It is also very easy to damage the lining of the anus when you do this, so it is better to avoid this. This applies to both men and women, so do try to avoid this in moment of total excitement.

How to Incorporate Food in Sex to Spice Things up

Let’s be honest, relationships are hard to maintain and they require a lot of work from both ends. This is more true in marriage where monotony and familiarity kicks in. This is the point where infidelity and hiring Maidenhead escorts starts happening to kill boredom and feel alive again. Fortunately, there are more than a few things that married people in Maidenhead can do to spice things up especially in their sex life and avoid such painful occurrences. One of these ways is to incorporate food in the bedroom during sex to make things more exciting. Whoever said the way to a man’s heart was through his stomach couldn’t be more right because food can be great aphrodisiac. If you are nervous about introducing food into your sex life talk to one of the Charlotte girls Maidenhead escorts. Maidenhead escorts can be a great help in organising such events for the first time and are open to all kinds of discussion without making you feel judged.

Here are a few ways to include food in sex;

1. The first tip is of course to have the sexy foods close by.

· Go to your local Maidenhead store and pick up everything that can be used during sex and that both of you can enjoy. These foods include whipped cream, chocolates, strawberries, ice cream, honey and many others. Escorts in Maidenhead suggest avoiding items that provoke allergic reactions.

· One should buy chocolate body paint instead of real chocolate to avoid crusting and check the temperature before applying anything on your partner.

· Lick the honey, chocolate and whipped cream from your partner sensually and slowly.

· Prepare fruits in advance for easy eating and feed each other sensually and kissing to exchange fruits. Maidenhead escorts say have towels ready for messy fruits.

2. Another way Maidenhead escorts say you can incorporate food in sex is to buy edible underwear and your spouse can eat them while they are taking them off you.

3. Flavoured condoms. They might not be edible but the smell and the flavour of these condoms are very stimulating. There are bananas, strawberry and even pineapple flavoured condoms. The lady can have fun by trying to put it on her man with her mouth.

4. Flavoured ice cubes. Maidenhead escorts say you can be quite creative with ice cubes; · The flavoured ice cubes makes the mouth tasty and cool which is great for kissing.

· Do oral sex on your partner with an ice cube behind your tongue. The cool dripping water is not only explosive on genitals but makes the whole experience tastier.

· Touch the nipples with those ice cubes and alternate with gently sucking them. Ice makes them hard and sensitive.

5. Champagne

· Toast to a glass of sizzling champagne on a candle lit bath.

· Share kisses with the mouth full of champagne.

· Gently spill the champagne on each other and watch as the bubbles come up and then lick each other.

6. Cook together. This is probably Maidenhead escorts favourite one, Peeling and kneading things together can be very sensual if you know what to do. Use this opportunity to give each other sexy glances, pretend to touch inappropriately by mistake and feel every moment.

Maidenhead escorts advise to be careful,

· Stay away from salty and savoury foods. Only use sweet and light foods with sex.

· Keep the food away from private parts because the acids and ingredients can irritate and worse cause infection.

· Always discuss this with your partner to ensure they are on board. Some people will die at the sight of sticky food on their clean bed sheets.

Do all men cheat?

Not all men cheat but there are certain groups of men that cheat more than others. A couple of escorts that I know have made up a little of the professions which seem to cheat the most.

You will not be surprised to find out that on top of this list comes business travelers. Escorts from say that the large majority of their dates are cheating business men.

As a close second comes pilots. Escorts say that many pilots seem to love to cheat, and have a friend in almost every place they visit. The same used to be said for sailors but it sounds like pilots have now taken the number two spot. After pilots we see a long list of professionals such as solicitors, barrister and even judges. It is interesting to note that the next three spots are occupied by people in the legal field.

After that comes the politicians but the less said about them the better. Politicians have always been known as cheaters of one kind or the other.

Cheating by Profession

Escorts claim that a large majority of their dates are indeed professionals who are cheating husbands, or just cheat on their long term partners. They seem to get a real kick out of it, but many escorts also wonder how many women know and just let their partners get away with it. Personally, I wonder if escorts would be so lenient with their partners if they knew they cheated.

Business Travelers

Business travelers have the perfect opportunity to cheat on their partners. They are often out of town and traveling around the world. Meeting new girls must be a little bit exciting for them, and I suppose many also do not like sitting alone in a restaurant night after night.

Once the business is done, a business traveler’s life can be very lonely. He or she might be away from home 5 days or more per week. The lifestyle may sound exciting but it seldom is and this is perhaps why many of them cheat. Escorts do claim they date more business men than any other profession.


Pilots also cheat a lot. Of course, they are away from home and many of them claim they are surrounded by temptation all the time.

Perhaps this gives us a general idea why so many men cheat, or play away from home. They simply cannot resist temptation and in the end they just give in.

Pilots seem to have a lot of different escorts which they like to date. On many occasions the escorts they date are more exotic, and they seem to prefer dating escorts from other countries than the one they have just flown into.

The Legal Profession

This profession seems to come into a league of its own when it comes to cheating. From the lowest surveying solicitor to a high court judge, they all seem to love to cheat. The reason why is not very clear but perhaps they are all secret law breakers and bad boys at heart.

Cheating men seldom mean to hurt their wives and their partners, they almost just seem to cheat out habit. Perhaps women should do a bit of research into a man’s profession before they marry him. I have never heard of cheating archeologists … lucky me???

4 Sex Tips…from a Comic

Hey, Knower and Doer of Stuff here and yeah, I’ve had some sex…purely experimental & informational from, of course. Now that I’ve had, literally thousands of encounters I think I’m pretty much qualified to be an Expert Sex Haver.
No, I’m not THAT slutty, just a lot of repeats and an extremely high referral rate as a serial monogamer.
I have a bedside copy of The Kama Sutra and I’ve studied extensively with the most well known sexologists around the US including Dr. Ruth, Dr. Drew and Doctor Dre.
Keep these things in mind as you’re replaying your spank bank and thinking of baseball:
1) Role play is a GREAT and an excellent excuse to put on your old cheerleading uniform from high school! And yeah, I still fit mine. I like things to fit tightly. *wink*
Note: it’s a good idea to have a code word. Mine is Stop… which is Latin for stop.
2) Tips on having sex in public…plan on being videotaped…or arrested…or both.
Cops are perverts.
3) Don’t use date rape drugs. Did you know that Rohibnol is Latin for really lazy?
4) Only have sex with people that WANT to have sex with you. So you can’t just get to know me by slinking in through my bedroom window and getting into bed with me…that’s called rape. Rape is from the Latin, “You will be chased down, arrested, put on trial in front of a jury of your peers, convicted and thrown into a teeny, tiny man-cage.”

Now go…and have some hot, sweaty fun…and let me know how it goes. I’m not gonna tell you don’t get arrested for rape, but I will say say DON’T RAPE instead hire an escort to fulfill your desires from